Fade in...

A woman paces along a red brick two story building intently reading her book. She barely registers the moans coming from a window as she passes. From the next window she hears a child's voice whine "... but it's called summer vacation. We don't want any homework."

That quickly pulls her back to reality as she thinks 'I don't know why I took this job. I hate teaching these brats. I sometimes think I was better off teaching night school. At least there the people could usually make complete sentences.'

She buries her head back in her book hopeful that she can finish it before the hour is over, and thankful that the kids usually ignore her during recess. She was never able to sit still while reading these self help books and this was no exception. Reaching the end of the school building she turns around and nearly falls down as she runs into one of the more aggravating knee-biters that has come up close behind her.

Without looking away from the book she asked the boy "What do you want?"
"Wanna play Zappy!" he begs while pulling on her dress.

Zappy wasn't so much a game as a song that she modified. One day after having the song "If You're Happy And You Know It" bored into her brain, the adapted version just popped into her head. She tweaked it a little later that night and later that week she presented it to her students as an alternative and they loved it. Aside from changing the lyrics a little bit she makes the kids follow her in a line, sort of like a conga line. And since this sometimes leads them out of their homeroom when no other kids are allowed out during classroom hours, they are constantly asking her to play.

She agrees, and continues to read her book as she loosely lines them up. She is so busy with it that she does not realize how the young boy that started this session stays right beside her during this process and makes sure he is at the head of the line when she starts.
Raising her hand up in the air to get their attention she begins the song and starts the march ...
"If you're a zombie and you know it, raise you limbs."
"If you're a zombie and you know it, raise you limbs."
"If you're a zombie and you know it, then your face will surely show it"
"If you're a zombie and you know it, raise you limbs."

Out of the corner of her eye she slightly registers that she can see a lot of limbs flailing around on this verse. Going to the next chapter in her book she continues with her chant...

"If you're a zombie and you know it, moan and groan."
"If you're a zombie and you know it, moan and groan."
"If you're a zombie and you know it, then your face will surely show it"
"If you're a zombie and you know it, moan and groan."

She barely notices a lot of moaning and groaning behind her as she thinks, 'The children really like this part when they are allowed to let loose outside.'

"If you're a zombie and you know it, scream and shout."
"If you're a zombie and you know it, scream and shout."
"If you're a zombie and you know it, then your face will surely show it"
"If you're a zombie and you know it, scream and shout."

Finally the amount of shouting and screaming behind the teacher is enough to break her concentration and as she turns to chastise the children she drops the book in horror.

Slowly we pan down from the teacher's ashen face to the cover of the book "Amateur Witchcraft: How to Get What You Want."

... fade out

I WON A NEW MERCEDES!!!!

If I'm to believe the prize notice I got today then I must have won something. Maybe a new car, maybe a dream vacation. The only thing that gives me pause is the notice stamped on the outside of the envelope "I am NOT an advertisement for a time share!"

Well, maybe not... *sigh*

While going through the usual junk mail today I came across an envelope that I would normally throw away without even bothering to open.

Not today.

Instead I decided that I will try an experiment which has been on my mind for quite a while.

I carefully opened the envelope to make sure who it is from and after a quick Google search came across this site: ClownCarBlog
It seems that this gentleman decided to hassle the people hosting the timeshare. It's a fun quick read.

I carefully sealed up the envelope and put a small mark on the edge.
I will be putting it back into the mail tomorrow and I want to see if it will be sent back to me.
If I do get it back, I will mark it again and drop it back into the mailbox.
Cycle repeats.

I'm wondering how often I can get it sent back to me. I also wonder if the sender will actually get charged for each delivery. If this works out, I plan to perform the same test with some credit card applications. Then maybe all of my junk mail.

Imagine, no more landfills created from junk mail. At the same time the post office will not need to raise the prices of their stamps because their income will be supplemented by junk mail redelivery.

My hope is that I can collect about 50-60 pieces of junk, drop them off at the same time and get them all sent back to me. I wonder how long I'll be able to keep this going?

Future updates as they occur....

::UPDATE 01/23/07 - I sent out 2 pieces of junk mail (one for me and one for Glitzy) back on the 18th and they have both just shown up in the mail today. Time to mark them again and send them on their 3rd trip.